Looking back at all these years in my twenties, what have I learned about myself and about life?
That life goes on whether you like it or not
‘The trouble is, you think you have time’ – the adult life has become a reality and we are no longer seen as kids. We need to shoulder responsibilities and take all the consequences of our actions – and frankly things are sometimes ugly and there is often no way to reverse a mistake that you have made, a scar that you have inflicted, and the havoc that you have created.
I certainly made a handful of mistakes over the years – big or small, and both consciously and unconsciously. And no matter how much I regret doing it, be it at the moment or soon after it happened, there is hardly anything left but to accept the consequence. it doesn’t take a lot to destroy something important and forgiveness is not always granted. Once something is done, you could only ask for forgiveness, but people would not forget whatever it is done.
Our specialty, unlike majority of my companions, rarely deals with life-and-death situations. Yet working in a team that performs corneal transplants every now and then, you get to receive these gifts from the departed and help transfer them to people who have lost their vision. And one day you’d realize how young some donors were when they left this world, most of the time it happened quite suddenly, but occasionally the pain lingered on and you could never imagine how hard it was for them to be living through that last period of their lives.
I don’t know who is more unfortunate – the one who deceased or the one who lived in darkness hoping for a second chance to see again.
Seeking meaning and happiness
I have the opportunity to meet and talk to some of the smartest, most brilliant and diligent people in the industry over the past few years. And there are a lot of things that I wish I could learn from these people. And most recently, I have been watching interviews on Youtube of people who are very passionate in what they are doing and how these people have come to that stage in their career.
I think exercise – takes a lot of discipline – especially if you want to do it in the morning, or in summer. You sweat a lot, your feet hurt and you need to constantly fight off your wish to lie in bed for just another 30 minutes. But I have tried jogging once in the early morning- and before that I was jogging nightly for roughly two months before the rain season came – and then I stopped because of the rain.
You really come to learn more about your weaknesses when there is such a thing that demands a lot of discipline. And when you look back at all those years, you realize how not disciplined you were in almost everything you did in your life. that’s a big realization and I guess it’s also a good motivation for you to really change.
Turning to almost 29 in slightly more than a month’s time, I still can’t get away from the thought I haven’t completed growing yet – what I mean is, I haven’t completed my evolution yet, like a Pokémon I guess. there are so many things that I haven’t learned, that I haven’t achieved, or just tried. And before I feel right with my progress, I find it very hard for me to embark on something, or someone else.
Back to discipline – I think there are several things that perhaps I should start to change in my life, like waking up early, going to bed early, doing exercise regularly, and hopefully in the morning, eating healthy, and that’s it. What’s more important than keeping oneself healthy and in shape?
If you know me for a long time, I suppose you know I have never been a big fan of any sports – not even a spectator of any kind of sports games. But I have had a period of time in the past year where I would go jog for at least 3 kilometres every night – and what drove me to do that was my perception that my health was below average of my peers. And I also had this fear that if my health became an issue, my work would then be affected and all these efforts put to training would go to waste.
Ultimately, we come to this world as individuals – and as individuals, we should learn to be independent and not reliant on somebody else for happiness or convenience. Now that I’m approaching my next decade, I hope to see some of these changes happen in the coming years. I’m positive that these changes will bring a lot more benefits than simply worrying about everything, or entertaining all these ‘what if’ thoughts that are harboured somewhere in my crowded mind.